The All You Can Eat “$” Buffet

Step right up and don’t be shy. Feeling a bit of a rumble in your portfolio? Maybe that’s because it’s hungry. Just step up and feast your eyes on this glorious buffet of stocks. It’s an all you can eat ( ah I mean buy) smorgasborg of funds. No …not just any single fund. All funds, everything. Just pick your fancy and dig in. The price you ask? Who cares…we’ll pay you for dining. That’s right, we’ll pay you. How’s that for a deal. It beats any senior citizen discount any day, any where. Who’s the chef of such a fine buffet? Chef  (uh hum..Chairman) Ben Bernanke. Watch for his new show coming to a TV near you. Maybe it’ll be called “Hot sizzlin’ stocks…Benny style.” You’ll be able to watch it on the TV’s they have in the banks while you’re standing in line. Word has it they’ll have a special channel there just for him, but for now just watch the stock market. You’ll get to see his creations albeit by osmosis of course, but who cares. They are delicious!

Sometimes you need sarcasm or parody to bring home to roost just what is happening in the bigger picture, and more important…why. It’s very easy to now explain. It’s probably never been easier. It’s almost as easy as ordering off the numbered menus at your local fast food chain. It’s all about the Dollar. Forget about corporate earnings, unemployment, bond issuance, all of it. It doesn’t matter. Not a bit. Oh yes, some will say it does, but I must point to the evidence. If real data mattered, why the are the  economic reports that are so bad treated as…”Ohhh so good”..Hmmmmmm? Because Chef Benny will keep the buffet open and serve it up as long as there are dollars to sell. That’s why.

At one time, you had to have an understanding that took years if not decades to master the financial world. Not now, just watch the dollar. The three card monte game that is now available to the participants is…Sell the Dollar…use that money and Buy Stocks. Don’t bother reading the ingredient label, it doesn’t matter, just eat. The opposite holds true also. If for any reason the dollar finds some footing, and starts to go higher..Oh Oh! The market will fall also. That’s what happens when it gets hooked on fast food with no real nutritional value. Great taste, but a lot of empty carbs.

It’s amazing to watch this correlation. All you need to do is now ask..”What did the dollar do today?”..and you will have everything you need to know. Dollar UP = Stocks Down,  Dollar DOWN = Stocks Up.

Who would have thought in the 21st century it was to be the dreaded “hamburg flippers”, and not the “college elite” who work in the pure models of high-powered finance. After all, you do get your dollars at the Fed by using the “Discount window.”

Can I get fries with that?